Remembering Conner,
On October 6th, Conner would be turning five.
I carried him for 22 weeks in 2021, before complications meant I had to say goodbye to him far too soon. It was the hardest thing I have ever lived through, and it changed me completely.
What came after was its own kind of unraveling. My body didn't understand what my heart already knew, it kept preparing to mother a baby who wasn't coming home. And underneath all of that was grief so enormous I didn't know how to carry it, let alone carry myself through each day.
I honestly don't know where I'd be without Red Nose. Their Hospital to Home program met me in those first raw days when I couldn't think straight, let alone ask for help. And the counselling that followed gave me somewhere to put the parts of this grief that had nowhere else to go, somewhere that didn't ask me to explain or justify or hurry up and heal.
Why Red Nose matters
Red Nose is one of the only organisations in Australia offering genuine, free, 24/7 support to families after the death of a baby or child. There is no waitlist when you call them at 2am because you can't breathe through the grief. There is no cost when you need a counsellor who actually understands stillbirth, miscarriage, or infant loss. There is no expiry date on how long they'll walk with you.
That kind of care doesn't exist by accident, it exists because it's funded, entirely, by people like you.
Where your donation goes
Every dollar helps fund:
- The 24/7 support line, staffed by people trained specifically in bereavement — often the first voice a family hears in their darkest hour
- Hospital to Home support, helping families navigate the impossible days right after loss, before they've even left the hospital
- Free bereavement counselling, for as long as it's needed — not capped at a handful of sessions
- Support groups and remembrance activities, so no family has to carry this alone or in silence
Five years on, I still think of Conner every single day. On what should be his 5th birthday this October, this fundraiser is my way of honouring him. Making sure another family, on the worst day of their lives, has somewhere free, immediate, and judgement-free to turn.
If you're able to give today, you're not just donating to a charity, you're making sure no parent has to survive this alone.
Thank you for celebrating Conner with me.
My Updates
Star Pharmacy Group - Red Nose Morning Tea
Tuesday 13th Oct
A special thank you to my wonderful work colleagues at Star Pharmacy Group, who supported me in hosting a Red Nose morning tea in our workplace.
It was an opportunity to talk openly about the services Red Nose offers to families, and to share how they supported me through the loss of my son, Conner. Being surrounded by people who showed up, listened, and wore red in his honour meant more than I can put into words.
Thank you to everyone who attended, donated, and helped make the day possible. Every conversation and every dollar helps Red Nose continue supporting families like mine.
Pictured, left to right: Emma, Amanda, me, Nicole, Savi and Anusha.
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Annual Memorial Walk - Morialta Falls
Thursday 8th Oct
This year feels especially hard. This should have been the year we were getting ready for your first day of school. We should have been buying your little uniform, watching you make new friends, seeing you grow into your own little person and making memories that we would carry forever.
Instead, we’ve spent another year carrying your name in our hearts.
Your big brother Jailen still talks about you constantly. He has never stopped remembering his little brother, and now that love has grown into something beautiful with Eden too. She was born after you, but she knows about her brother in heaven. She talks about you, remembers you and loves you in her own little way. Watching your siblings carry you with them is something I will forever treasure.
Every year, we return to Morialta, the place where we held your memorial. We hike the trails, stand beside your waterfall and release flowers for you, telling you how much we love you and how much we miss you. And, of course, we eat finger buns, because somehow that has become one of our little traditions.
Five years without you has taught me that love doesn’t disappear when someone dies. It changes. It finds new places to live.
It lives in the stories we tell about you.
It lives in your brothers and sister remembering you.
It lives in the flowers we release down your waterfall.
It lives in the memory boxes I paint for babies I’ll never know.
It lives in every dollar raised in your name.
It lives in the moments when we say, “Conner would have loved this.”
And it lives in every single day that I carry you with me.
Our family will never feel completely whole without you here. There will always be an empty place where you should be.
But our love for you will always be full.
Happy 5th birthday, my beautiful Conner.
Five years of missing you.
Five years of loving you.
And a lifetime of carrying you with us. Share
11/08/2021 – Jai's family picture
Thursday 24th Sep
In 2021, Jai started his mid-year intake of Reception. One day at school he drew this picture of our family walking through the forest, and right there with all of us, he included "baby in Mummy's tummy."
He was so excited to become a big brother. In his little mind, Conner was already part of the family, already walking alongside us.
He never got the family picture he had hoped for.
But this drawing is one of my most treasured things, because in it, we are all together.
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Our last days together, 26/09/2021
Thursday 24th Sep
Marigolds in Conners memorial garden.
Thursday 24th Sep
When we lost Conner, I wasn't only finding my way through my own grief. I was also learning how to guide Jai through his very first experience of death. He had turned five just a few weeks earlier.
One thing that helped was giving him a place to visit, somewhere he could sit with his grief and feel close to his brother. For us, that place became a special statue in remembrance of his brother.
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Wave of Light
Thursday 27th Aug
Jailen remembering his brother 🕯️
Every year on the 15th of October, Jailen lights a candle for Conner. It's our quiet way of making sure his brother is always part of our family's story.
This is the annual Wave of Light, a global moment of remembrance for every baby gone too soon.
Light a candle. At 7:00pm local time, families around the world light a candle in remembrance.
A wave of light. As each time zone reaches 7:00pm, the flames join together, creating a continuous wave of light that circles the globe.
Let it burn. Keep your candle lit for at least one hour to be part of the wave.
Why we light. Together, we bring comfort to grieving families, raise awareness, and break the silence around pregnancy and infant loss.
If you have a baby you're remembering, or you'd simply like to stand with families who are, I'd love for you to light a candle with us this 15th of October.
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Perfect little toes..
Thursday 27th Aug
Big brother excitement
Thursday 27th Aug
Thank you to my Sponsors
$269.13
The Truck Factory
$128.10
Susan Dennis
Conner Nanny always thinks of you xx
$106.75
Sally Datson
$106.75
Brogen Barrington
$106.75
Fleur
$106.75
Paul & Kerry
Love the way you and your family keep Conner in your day to day lives !!
$106.75
Anonymous
Thank you for sharing your story 🩶
$106.75
Anusha And Biraj
We love you Conner❤️
$106.75
Sharm Siva
Sally, Conner, Jailen and Kyle - sending all of you much love. And to Red Nose, much gratitude to all you do.
$106.75
Kelly Marshall
$106.75
Anonymous
$92.45
Stephanie Dolan
xxxx
$92.45
Lisa H
💞💞
$92.45
Michelle Dyer
$92.45
David Clark
$85
Angela Lapthorn
$55.95
Joe Iandiorio
Sally, Thinking of you and your family
$55.95
Tanya
Sending lots of love to you and all the families that have experienced loss like this
$55.95
Aleisha Murphy
Sending you lots of love Sally x
$55.95
Nicole Stehniak
Love to you all and dearest Conner x
$55.95
Scott Young
$55.95
Tori Starick
$55.95
Damian Capurro
$55.95
Johnny Silvestri
Great cause Sally x
$54.75
Yl
$50.49
Jo Moulds
$50.49
Emma Sifa
With all my love now and always, to you all and dearest Conner x
$50.49
Anonymous
$50.49
Luong Nguyen
$49.95
Roxanne Huckstepp
$45
Caitlyn Dyer
Such a wonderful cause Sal, in honour of Conner always loved! With love from my family to yours x
$45
Savi A
In loving memory of Kiara 💕
$34.40
Joy Montgomery
Forever in the Heart of God is his Children
$34.40
Jaimee And Josh
$34.40
Amanda B
So much love for you, Sal and beautiful Connor ♥️
$23.81
Barb Mcginity
$23.81
Lucy Rogers
$23.81
The Truck Factory sends love to you